U don't have to tell me what happened, iie already know..

Y Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Eeekks!!! Today going halfway through the science paper until question 23.. I GET 3 WRONG OREDI!! AHH!! = 40/46 i hope i won't get anymore wrong then can get 54/60 ... T_T But i know, that is soo impossible this year.. i mean.. last year, from 56.. all e way to 50.. and still remaining there till SA1.. dunno abt now.. maybe i might just get 5 wrong again.. and get 50.. and all my "substantiating" go to waste.. -.-

I begin to lose the feeling of playing music already.. iie very very long nvr play le.. and it's gone down to the drain and released to the sea to roam free.. okay, i sound dam sacarstic.... LOL~~ seriously la.. i really like it but.. okay.. first easiest "type of music" that iie like is singing.. but then.. today, was a total.. TOTAL!! and i mean it.. a stupid day! no offences.. but this is abt Deborah.. really, if u read this, and put urself in my shoes, u might feel the same way....... or not...

It all started last week.. if i'm not wrong.. friday.. The superstar group were led by Ms Lee to Music room 2 to brief us on things.. yeah, before i forget, she rejected our song, zhong guo hua.. did iie mention it oredi? if i have, =.= forgot then.. hmm.. i really .. my heart went crashing down on to the other systems in the body.. =.= seriously la.. practise so long before can rap properly.. and now she tells us say the song cannot, later like very racist to the tamil and malay teachers.. then i was like.. NO FAIR! -.- anyway, it's their day and not ours.. -.-
And that's one thing i hate when the teacher tells the student wad to do on teachers' day.. cant we just decide on our own? iie know she has a point.. but.. of all songs.. why zhong guo hua?? iie felt a little down.. and disappointed.. Ms Lee then later said, " okay! iie want two people to do a duet for 月亮代表我的心..
Then obviously all of us wanted but we din have the courage to raise our hands.. but of cos, wanted to do my "voting" or how u call it when people keep sayin other people's name.. blabla... at the very moment.. i really really, hoped that iie got chosen.. Jamie said Deborah stared at her for a moment and she looked away.. and i have no idea.. some people don like Deborah but still say her name, maybe just becos she's in choir.. -.- in the end, Deborah got chosen.. like durhhs . and btw, she's every teacher's' pet.. somehow, i don't know.. the teachers show their favouratism to her.. very obvious OKAY!! then Jamie, Li Keng and iie din really like Deborah, cos she gave the expression when she was chosen, she giggled and point at herself and said," me? " Then my heart sank even more.. i was abt to cry.. i seriously din know why i should cry over such a small matter anyway.. but really, are we that invisible to the teacher's' eyes at all? My dad said iie had a talent for music.. but looking at the situation happening, maybe my dad was wrong... i almost cried, seriously, i acted that iie was very tired and started to yawn a bit..

Later when Ms Lee went to brief the commercial people.. and becos there's a mirror at a side of the room, and sit down and faced the mirror.. i thought to myself.. " It's not fair! why does Deborah, like everytime she wants it, the teacher somehow just *grants* her wishes.. iie don't get it.. she gets better stuff then us.. is this some kind of practical joke?? " and i was like, really, seriously, gonna cry at that moment.. i then told myself that i should not cry and make a commotion.. Deborah and the others then gather at where iie was sitting at.. there's where iie started all this "big commotion" Deborah asked us wat song we all suggest.. then she turned and faced me, she then asked me.. then i said that i dunno.. then one of them talked to me earlier, i dunno whether different person anot.. but that person said that iie told her i din like the songs at all.. nothing, not the slightest.. Deborah then asked me again, and i "almost" screamed at her that i din know.. and i turned back and cried.. and iie was tellin' myself.. "omg!! why on earth am iie cryin' ?!?! shouldn't iie be happy that we're at least singing?? ain't singing what i like to do???" then two classmates.. i think in Guo Fang's class, should be.. yeah, not sure.. then went to comfort me.. i told them if iie could use the toilet.. and maybe blow my nose or something.. i got really really sad and down.. feeling that way, i think i wasted quite a lot of tissues just to blow my nose.. i was that devastated.. Li Keng somehow said to me that Ms Lee wanted to see me, iie got furious.. "Who told Ms Lee that i'm cryin'?!?!?!" The more iie din want to come out.. then moments later, Li Keng came in and said, ''eh,vc, Ms Lee wants to see you.." then iie told her, "iie know oredi.. but if iie were to come out and into the music room.. what would iie say to tell Ms Lee? iie cant possibly say that i dun like Deborah and i wanna sing the duet.. like very far siia.. =.= at least a different song.. but since the only type of song iie liked best is chinese.. iie have not suggestions of anymore songs..

After iie went in.. looks like Ms Lee din notice me.. Deborah was sitting, looking down, then i went to her.. "you okay anot?" she asked me.. and iie took a moment before iie replied her.. *happily* *which is very fake* "yeah! i'm okay la.. dun worry~~" she then continued," Do u know people are blaming me that i made u cry loh! " Then i looked at the floor.. trying to come up with some stupid excuse.. iie just hate it when i'm angry, or sad, other people get affected, and then they'll start to cry too, then i jsut hate it, cos then people would start blaming me instead! then iie finally found an excuse.. telling Jamie, Li Keng and Deborah tha the *real* reason that i cried was because when Ms Lee said we needed to sing the "oldies" songs.. it reminded me of my grandfather who passed away in the March holidays.. and i told a serious white lie.. but iie had no choice.. iie really din want Deborah to cry, if not Ms Lee would wanna meet her too.. so later when everybody got ready to go up to the hall there.. for dunno what, Ms Lee wanted to see me.. Deborah stood beside me, beside Ms Lee waiting for her to finish talking to the other gals.. then Ms Lee turned around and asked me," yes, gal? wad's the problem? why did you cry? " iie told her to same reason.. and i added this becasue she asked me why it reminded me of my grandfather, i shittingly said that he sings to me songs last time.. =.= it's noot true.. but the true thing.. but not really "major" just "minor" is that, really, somehow, the oldies songs jsut reminded me of him.. that's part of the crying thing.. so.. it's not a lie. i just din tell the other part.. but iie told a small white lie to the teacher.. =.= how could iie even have the guts to do that.. and to think my acting was not good enough.. I CRIED WHEN I SPOKE THE VERY FIRST WORD TO HER! i could barely talk properly, cos i was crying..

Here's today's incident... when school's over, the superstar group um.. performing on friday, meet outside the hall.. then Deborah and the others went..WITHOUT ME?!?! wa lao.. stupid two days that iie have to suffer, wat the... iie went to the hall, actually iie din know where to wait.. so the first thing that came to my mind was outside the hall.. iie walked down the stairs to outside the hall there on the second level.. i din see 'em but i regconise their bags.. so i put mine there.. and as iie could find them there, i went down the canteen to see if they were there. iie walked one big circle around the canteen but they weren't there.. so iie decided.. aiya.. i'll just go up to read my book then.. but when i reached, i saw them there.. sitting down doing their homework.. iie walked to them and said,"WHERE WERE ALL OF YA?!" iie sat down, then i shouted and Deborah, "wei! how could all of you leave without mii?!?!" She said,"cos iie din see you!!"she laugh and laugh.. then blablabla.. then i was like.. i sitting at the "favourite spot where u last time sit de.. HOW COULD U NOT KNOW WHERE I SIT WHEN I SAT THERE FOR MORE THAN A MONTH?!" Then iie sat down and turned my head away, got so pissed off by Deborah.. she always act innocent blabla!!! really, no offences! But his is what iie really see!! and hear!! and wadeva.. -.- later Denise ah.. rehearsals oso nvr come.. like dunno how many.. keep saying got wad piano lesson.. last minute blabla...

But later when we stood on the stage and performed.. Li keng told me that she thought when it was the chorus of a certain song, the pair would pass the mikes to us, instead, we were just the background of nothing important at all! Even Jamie din like it, sowwies to Jamie and Li Keng if iie have to mention it and Deborah gets mad at u if she reads my blog.. but iie really, really, dun like her like iie used to like her last time.. she've changed.. or last time p3, p4 iie dun know her that well, but her attitude just remains the same.. That's when we three and some other few people just stood there like some statue.. and i thought to myself again,"iie like singing, why cant this blind teachers just see it?!" i felt like running off the stage at the moment and take my bag and leave the school and head straight home, because my part was not even important as in, if i'm absent, it's alright, because people won't even know, but we the SUPERSTARS like the pairs that go take the mike to sing, are absent, the teachers go callin' them up or wad so ever.. iie dun care!! iie wanna quit this thing!! but then again.. and i have to bear with it.. because.. if iie quit, Li Keng would start to quit.. followed by Jamie.. Ms Lee would scold us and want us to go back.. that's when iie thought.. we are the mirrors.. reflecting the main singer's wad so eva u call it "pride" and if everything goes wrong, and when the mirror is not there to shine it for the main singers, those people twho quitted, are in big trouble, who cares anyway?! iie started to feel that Denise made the right choice of leaving and not coming for this rehearsal and go for her practise for next week monday's grade 5 test for piano... iie guess she quitted oredi ba.. sigh..after we sang.. it was time for our break, Li Keng and iie started to talk about the incidents that happened on the stage..

Later when Ms Lee said before she go for her supplementary lesson, she said got second round.. the later Jamie Li Keng and miie.. all talk about the statue matter, cos i think we were the only ones who din get to use the mike at all.. we started to not like Deborah.. and the teachers.. but actually, the teachers more..
*yama iku shimo, yama iku ue de* means mountains go up, mountains go down.. have any idea wad it means? It means, the teacher would only care for us for a moment, but for certain people, it's very long.. may be just for as long as 1 year or even longer anyway.. but, yeah, this was the experience...

Now, if u put urself in my shoes, won't u feel that it is unfair at all? iie dunno why i'm starting to bear grudges.. but not, i'm trying not to, in fact "reducing" it.. i'm still trying to remain happy at all times.. but as usual.. emo. me.. =.= iie oso nid to practise on self-control, huh.. sigh..

btw, the other Denise.. that's her name.. i think, at least.. should be.. i forgot.. =.= sooo sowwies!! she passed me the "Shinkai no Kodoku" music scores to play on the piano.. i stared at it.. WOAH!! SO HARD!! THE NOTES EVERYWHERE!! iie just finished photo-copying it.. lol.. but have yet to finish writing the letters below / on top on the notes.. by--> Gundam Seed Destiny.. iie used to like the other one.. Gundam Seed.. just that this one got "Destiny" LOL~!! But still watch ba.. *yawn* oh would u look at the time.. it's 11.22pm! aw man.. everyday like slping earlier and earlier.. nxt thing u know, during the holidays instead of slping late, i slp at 8pm.. =.= well, that's nvr gonna happen!! must ren!! but iie dunno what else to do!! ii've run out of thigns to say le.. aiya.. i'll go read read my fav. books abt dolphins and whale then..

bwaiix .

Follow ur heart, ur instincts would tell euu wad to do .♥

7:03 AM